my dad deserves an award. making us wake up at 5:30am to get ready to drive 3 hours to another city in the middle of nowhere just to see this pastor, who my dad has a bro crush on, preach.

me: *goes & watches Prometheus*
me: what the fuck did i just watch?
mum: you have it so eassy. My mom wouldnt let me date but we let you date.
me: umm...yeah. good cuz there is one long line of invisible guys waiting to date me

ive been watching too much Supernatural, because last night i had a dream i had to cast a demon out of a pancake. then i ate it & it was delicious. 


in 9th grade i was getting picked on in class and this girl was like “fuck you guys leave him alone” and called me over to her seat and I was like “thx lol” and she was like “I have something special to show you don’t tell the teacher” and I said “ok” and she pulled a guinea pig out of her purse 

(via suicidalwhoore)

While watching the Arctic Monkeys on Conan
Me: OMG! *sits up close to the tv & starts singing along*
Dad: & that music is good?
Me: im shunning you away. shun. shun.
i love it when im on tumblr & i find a cheerio under my ass.
didnt know it was possible to be a nigga with a white body..
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